-03-

“Put Some Cayenne On It Xander. Make It Sing!”

Sergeant Xapper awoke from a horrible nightmare with his stomach growling. His eyes were heavy and his face itchy. He found himself on the toilet still with the dead body of the zombie raccoon pressed against his face.

The raccoon’s head was at his feet, skull opened, and brain thoroughly eaten. The headless body was against the stall walls and his arms held it in place. The body made for a rather soft and scratchy pillow.

A few tiny black rocks slipped out of Xapper before he finally had the will to get up.

As hungry as he was, Xapper refused to eat animal fur. He crossed many lines during the last day of chaos but munching on animal pelt just felt wrong. Xapper dropped the raccoon in the toilet which was filled to the top with black rock.

How was it possible for him to defecate rock? And how could he eat so much without bursting? Was it all some endless nightmare? These questions and more passed through Xapper’s mind.

He then looked himself over in the mirror. His uniform was covered in filth and torn. Under the gore and fur all over his face, he could tell he was unshaven. There were bags under his eyes from lack of sleep.

Xapper did pass out on the toilet but his sleep was filled with nightmares that prevent a proper rest. He began to recall the latest nightmare as he washed his face. It made no sense at all, because often nightmares were senseless but the worst part about it was how real it felt.

🍴🧠

Xapper found himself on an alien world under an unfamiliar sky. The world was dead, all desert and rock and showed no signs of life. Xapper looked up and watched as an impossibly huge bug feasted on the world.

The face looked like a praying mantis and the head was bigger than the moon in the sky. The neck of the bug ended at the horizon of the world. All Xapper could see were the limbs and mantis face. The size of the thing could not be imagined by any sane sapient being.

There were hands at the end of each limb. They were some mutant cross between a stick bug and the paws of a raccoon. The exoskeleton paws sundered the world’s terrain like a first year old child digging through their first cake.

The bug’s continent-size hand shoved earth into its mouth with ravenous hunger. The finger-like mandibles around the mouth cut through earth with horrid ease. Its pseudo-pupils stared down at Xapper as it feasted on the dead world.

And then a voice spoke and echoed all around Xapper. It was Xeak.

“Isn’t she beautiful, Xander?”

“What the hell am I looking at, Xeak?”

“Our Goddess, Xander.”

“Goddess? That’s a goddess?”

“Nar-Goathgeir is our Goddess, Xander! Goddess of the Necrophage, Eater of Dead Worlds, Cleanser of the Cosmos! She has chosen us to be her avatar, her instrument, her purge of the undead infection.”

“Kay,” said Xapper, not understanding any of the titles or names. “But why me?”

“She has chosen us, Xander,” said Xeak frankly.

“But why?”

“Because undeath is a threat to the universe, Xander.”

“I get that but why me?”

“Don’t worry about it, Xander. All you have to do is eat!”

Xapper sneered at the grotesque goddess as it chewed and watched him.

"Nahr-go-th-gear? I think I said it right. Don’t really give a damn because—to hell with you! I ain’t eating any more zombies or undead or whatever! I’m my own man! And I ain’t about to listen to some giant insect with a stupid name!”

“Mankind gave her that stupid name, Xander. Therefore, mankind is stupid.”

“Not arguing that, Xeak. Now shut up, I’m having a talk with our ‘goddess’, okay?”

Nar-Goathgeir then spoke. Her voice was like a drill into Xapper’s skull. She said one word:

“FEAST!”

🍴🧠

Xapper tried to wash his face off but the grim was not coming off. Just like the horrid memory of Nar-Goathgeir. The bug-face was forever burned in his mind.

“Why are you wasting time, Xander?” asked Xeak. “You have to eat.”

“Will you shut up,” said Xapper. “I’m a civilized man who likes to keep clean, alright?”

“I could clean you up, Xander. Take one of the rocks.”

Xapper was about to ask questions but he decided to humor the doll. He threw the raccoon off the toilet and grabbed one of the black rocks. It was dense and felt smooth to the touch.

“Wait, this ain’t coal.”

“It’s obsidian, Xander.”

“Obsidian? You mean that glassy stuff that turns up when lava cools?”

“Yes, Xander. Now, hold it in your hands.”

Xapper held the smooth, black rock in his hands and walked to the mirror. Xeak’s button eyes then glowed. The obsidian then felt warm and smoke billowed between Xapper’s fingers. The smoke circled around Xapper and he watched as the filth on him vanished.

His torn uniform then mended itself and looked brand new. The hair vanished from his face and his skin became smooth. The bags under his eyes faded. He then felt refreshed, anew.

“Now this is magic crap I can get behind,” said Xapper with a smile. He then had a thought and sneered. “You ain’t pulling the wool over my eyes, are you Xeak? Because I’ll bury you if this is all fake.”

“It's not an illusion, Xander. It's an incentive. Eat the undead, poop out obsidian, and be rewarded!”

The obsidian vanished from his hands. Xapper found no trace of it, not even a residue. He took some pieces from the toilet and cleaned them off with a paper towel. He then stuck a few in his pants pockets.

Xapper felt very hungry and thought of all those tasty organs he piled in the kitchen. He put on his rucksack and exited the bathroom. The obsidian clattered in his pocket as he walked.

He listened for any zombie critters outside the cafeteria doors. When he heard nothing, he brought down his barricade. Xapper casually strolled into the kitchen and found four zombie deer. And he flew into a rage upon seeing what they had done.

“You bastards! Those organs were mine! You ate it all! It was mine—and why in hell am I so mad about losing a bunch of zombie guts?!”

The deers glared as they chewed on Xapper’s stash. One was eating the last heart Xapper had stored. His stomach roared and Xapper drew his peacemaker and fanned the hammer. Bullets hit the deer but they all dropped what they were eating and screamed in fury.

Xapper drew his bat and was ready for a fight. Before a battle could commence, the deers suddenly paused and their ears twitched. Everything went silent and Xapper listened. He felt the earth shake under his feet.

The deers turned to flee but the moment one tried to run out of the kitchen, it was thrown from the door. Xapper stepped back as a giant furry mass burst into the kitchen. The deers screamed as a zombie black bear tackled and tore into them.

Xapper retreated back to the cafeteria and scrambled to replace the barricade.

“Sweet Ermengarde! A freaking zombie bear?! That’s all I need right now!”

“Why are you running, Xander? Bet it tastes really good.”

“Piss off, Xeak! It’s a freaking bear! You expect me to fight a damn bear?”

“You’ll be fighting worse, Xander. Better fight it now and get stronger. You know I’m right.”

Xapper felt the rampaging footsteps of the bear approach. He quickly retreated from the door as the bear stampeded through the barricade. It was powerful and a lot stronger than anything Xapper had fought before.

He drew his bat and wind up for a pitch as the bear charged. He managed to strike it across the face and it staggered. The bear recovered quickly and roared so loud that Xapper lost hearing for a moment.

The bear leapt for Xapper but he was still focused enough to dodge in time. As he stepped away, the bear turned and swiped at him. Xapper blocked the massive paw with his bat but he was thrown straight into a wall.

Before Xapper could recover, the bear fell on him and started mauling. He screamed and bashed his bat against the undead furry tank. He saw the mad look in its white eyes. It was not killing for food, it was killing because it could.

“Looks like you suck against bears, Xander.”

“Damn you, Xeak!”

“Too bad you can’t die, Xander. This could go on for a while.”

“Do something, you ball of thread!”

“Grab some obsidian, Xander. Hold it to your bat.”

“You want me to do that while getting the crap kicked out of me?!”

“Okay, Xander. Get chewed on. I can wait.”

“Xeak!”

“We have all the time in the world, Xander. All the time, hehehehehe.”

Xapper then found an opening and smacked the bear in the ear with his bat. This time the bear was stunned long enough for Xapper to crawl away. He then stood up and ran to the other side of the cafeteria.

He pulled a piece of obsidian from his pocket and placed it against his bat.

“Alright, yarn boy, do whatever it is you’re going to do,” said Xapper.

“Hold tight, Xander. It’s going to get wild!”

Xeak’s eyes glowed and Xapper felt a surge of power filled the bat and washed over him.

He then recalled his daughter, Valiant.

She was born and raised overseas in London. She lived with her aunt Poppy and visited Xapper on occasions. Distance put strain on their relationship but Xapper tried to stay in touch with his only child.

Valiant became more fixated on her university studies. Xapper saw less and less of his daughter in person with each passing year. She moved to the states to pursue a PhD. She was within driving distance of Xapper and still they only spoke on the phone.

Xapper became furious with the zombies, with life, and with himself.

An overwhelming urge to see his daughter surged through his body.

He wanted to see his daughter again. He had to see her again.

And any monster in his way had to die. And be eaten.

The bat in Xapper’s hand glowed a black that was darker than night itself. A buzzing emanated from the bat as the obsidian turned to dust. The texture of the bat became that of a hard beetle’s shell.

As Xapper swung the bat, shadowy swarms of locust appeared and disappeared in its wake.

The bear, still mad and eager to fight, charged with all its berserker rage.

Xapper too charged, feeling stronger and faster and more hungry than ever.

“I am the purge!” cried out Xapper. He was not sure why he said it. It felt right in the moment.

He struck the bear with the empowered bat. Its shoulder caved in and the bear roared in agony at Xapper. He roared back with more fury and zeal. Something took hold of him and he was ready to fight until his prey was under his boot.

🍴🧠

The bear finally succumbed after a long and vicious fight. It took several smacks from Xapper’s empowered bat. The bat returned to normal after the fight ended.

Xapper removed the head from the body. His bat had broken the jaw clean off. Without the jaw, the bear’s head rocked and groaned harmlessly. He kept the head on a table for when he was ready to eat the brain.

Xapper had to sacrifice more obsidian to heal the claw marks, the bites, and his broken bones. He pulled more obsidian from the toilet but this time did not bother to clean it. He used up all the obsidian left to repair his uniform which was almost torn to nothing.

He needed more obsidian and the hunger demanded he eat every last bit of the bear.

Except for the pelt because Xapper still refused to eat that.

Xapper used the meat cleaver from the kitchen to dissect the bear. Limbs, muscles, and organs were all removed and neatly organized. Xapper ate the heart first and it had the taste and texture of finely grilled salmon. The limb meat and muscles were tenderized to perfection by his bat.

The bear banquet was so welcoming that Xapper began to forget what he was eating. He was hallucinating visually as his sense of smell and taste continued to lie to his mind. He saw flashes of grilled steak and delectable sides that were actually the pieces of a zombie bear.

Xeak was silent which was a sign that the meal was that good.

When it came time to eat the brain, Xapper browsed through his rucksack for the right seasoning.

“What would go good with bear brain, Xeak?” asked Xapper.

“Put some cayenne on it, Xander. Make it sing,” suggested Xeak.

Xapper sprinkled some cayenne pepper on the bear’s exposed brain. He used a fork and had a taste. It sang on his tongue. Xapper then sat down and feasted.

To Be Continued . . .