-12-

“That’s Right, Xander. Dig Her Up! Bet She’ll Taste Like Kimchi!”

Xapper and company gathered what supplies they could carry. Broadway said it would take them most of the day to find the place and dig up Wilma. She guided them to where she buried Wilma’s head. She had a shovel on hand and carried it over her shoulder.

Broadway gave Little Defiant a children's backpack so she could carry some snacks that were not zombie parts. Broadway put cookies and potato chips and candy bars into the backpack. Little Defiant was appreciative of the snacks since she still liked to eat when she could.

Xapper was more relaxed now that he had companions. The walk with them reminded him of a time when he was on the field. He always felt better marching in line with fellow soldiers.

“A few more soldiers and we would make a decent squad,” said Xapper as they entered the woods.

“Yeah, no offense, once we’re done with Wilma, I’m heading out on my own,” said Broadway.

“I’m going to stay with Mister Sergeant until I can find a new mommy and daddy,” said Little Defiant. “A better mommy and daddy that will not be scared of Plasmee.”

“You can come with me,” offered Broadway. “I’m heading south.”

“Funny thing, so am I,” said Xapper. “My daughter lives in Massachusetts.”

“Really, where exactly?” asked Broadway.

“A town called Arkham,” said Xapper. “She’s a graduate student at Miskatonic University.”

Broadway then stopped and turned face to Xapper. Her eyes were huge as her jaw dropped. Xapper also stopped and raised an eyebrow at her.

“What?” asked Xapper.

Broadway then shouted, “Seriously?! What’s your daughter’s name again?”

“Valiant Shooter,” said Xapper as he eyed Broadway suspiciously. “Why? You know her?”

“No shit!” said Broadway in awe. “You’re Valiant Shooter’s father? Seriously?”

“Why? Is my daughter famous?” asked Xapper as he grew worried.

“Duh! She is, like, the most famous influencer on ancient occult and forgotten history,” said Broadway. “Autumn and other transgirls admired the hell out of her. She is like my internet crush and I think Autumn had the hots for her too.”

“My baby girl is famous?” asked Xapper, flabbergasted.

“You didn’t know?” asked Broadway in shock. “She went viral about two years ago all across social media. Honestly though, a lot of people watch her videos because she’s super hot and dresses like a sexy librarian. But the stuff she talks about is super interesting too.”

Xapper was beside himself. He was not sure if this was reality. Back when Valiant was at her old university, Xapper got the impression she was more of a shut-in and kept to her studies. But now he was hearing that his daughter was “internet famous” and had a following of admirers.

And people thought Valiant was smart and sexy.

“You’re not thinking of seeing my daughter, are you?” asked Xapper defensively. “She has a girlfriend, you know.”

“Oh yeah, Doctor Waxington,” said Broadway with a disgusted sneer. “She shows up on Valiant Shooter’s videos and is super boring. Everyone thinks Shooter could do so much better.”

“Someone like you, maybe?” asked Xapper as he glared at Broadway.

“Look, I’ll admit, I do want to go down to Arkham to see Valiant Shooter,” said Broadway. “But that’s only because old and creepy books are her thing. I was hoping she could look at this evil magic book and help me undo some of Wilma’s damage. ”

“She was studying that kind of thing,” said Xapper. “Old and ancient books and whatnot. She told me specific names for studying that kind of stuff but I can’t remember them. How did you find out about Valiant?”

“Because I watched a video called ‘Top Ten Hottest Transgirls Influencers You Might Actually Learn Something From.’ She was number three which I think was total BS. She so deserved the number one spot.”

“Hey! Plasmee says you two can walk and talk! Let’s find the evil lady’s head before it gets dark out!” shouted Little Defiant who had walked far ahead of them.

“Sorry, Defiant! We’re coming!” said Broadway as she continued forward.

Xapper did not ask any further questions about his daughter. He was still too shocked that his daughter was famous. Moreover, he was concerned about what kind of research she was doing. If Broadway was going to Valiant for help, then that meant—

“You think your daughter is doing dark magic, right Xander?” asked Xeak.

“Well, is she, Xeak?” asked Xapper.

“Don’t know, Xander, but she is studying old books, right?” asked Xeak.

Xapper grew more concerned and he swallowed hard. “But why would she mess with dark magic crap?”

“Think about it, Xander. With the obsidian you release from eating the undead, you can use magic to change your appearance. Doesn’t she want to change her own appearance? Doesn’t she want to be more of a woman?”

Xapper became sick with worry and his stomach churned. Broadway found the spot where she buried Wilma. She then tossed Xapper the shovel.

“What the—” said Xapper as he caught the shovel and glared at it. “Why are you giving this to me?”

“Because you’re the one who wants to dig up that bitch,” said Broadway as she stomped on the fresh grave. “She’s right here. Hop to it!”

Xapper was about to argue with Broadway. But he was the one who wanted to ask Wilma questions. And Broadway had nothing to gain from digging up her enemy. Xapper grumbled the whole time as he dug up the grave.

And Xeak laughed.

“Heheheheh. That’s right, Xander. Dig her up! Bet she’ll taste like kimchi! Hehehehe.”

“Shut the hell up, Xeak.”

🍴🧠

Broadway had buried Wilma deep. And the dirt had settled which made it hardened to move. Xapper spent a long time shoveling dirt. Broadway and Little Defiant had a small picnic of junk food.

“I missed cookies and potato chips,” said Little Defiant as she munched on a chip. “Since Plasmee and I share a stomach and she eats zombies all the time, I haven’t felt like eating for fun. I only eat if Plasmee hasn’t eaten and we both get hungry.”

“So, I’ve been wanting to ask you, Defiant,” said Broadway as she bit a candy bar in half. “Did it hurt? When your parents summoned Plasmee and linked her to you, did it hurt?”

“I don’t really remember,” said Little Defiant. “Mommy gave me something that made me super sleepy and I was tired when they made Plasmee appear and put us together.”

“Where did you come up with the name Plasmee?” asked Broadway.

“Oh, well, that melty stuff she shoots out of her mouth, she calls it plasm,” said Little Defiant as she petted her monster companion. Plasmee lay at Little Defiant’s side and watched Xapper as he worked. “So since she spits out plasm, I just call her Plasmee.”

“And what is your name? You’re real name?” asked Broadway.

“You first, Broadway. What is yours?” asked Little Defiant.

“Pauline Creddrick,” said Broadway. “But I prefer if everyone calls me Broadway because someday, I’m going to hit it big on stage.”

“Not if there is a zombie apocalypse happening all over the world,” said Xapper as he continued to shovel. The hole he dug was now up to his shoulders. “I don’t think theater is going to be around during end times.”

“Theater will never die, even during the end times,” said Broadway confidently. “So, Defiant, what is your name?”

“Defiant or LD like what Mister Sergeant calls me.”

“No, no, what did your parents call you?”

“Defiant.”

“Ugh. Okay but what was your name that other people called you, like at school?”

“I did not go to school. And mommy and daddy never let me talk to other people.”

Broadway looked at Xapper in horror. His head appeared from out of the hole and he nodded with a heated expression. Broadway then carefully continued her conversation with Little Defiant.

“Okay, so you said that Plasmee can talk to you, right? What does she call you?”

“Jamie. But that name is weird. It’s like a boy's name made into a girl's name. I like Defiant.”

“Just Defiant or should I add the ‘Little’ part too?”

“I don’t care. Just don’t call me Jamie. Plasmee is the only one who can call me that.”

Broadway finished her candy bar then asked, “So what does Plasmee’s voice sound like?”

Little Defiant thought for a moment and said, “She talks a lot like my dead grandmother.”

CLANG! Clang! Clang! Clang!

“I think I found her!” said Xapper.

He brushed away the dirt around a metal pot. The top was tied to the pot by the handles. He knocked on it, listened, and heard a voice mumbling from within. Xapper then, without much finesse, pulled the pot from the dirt and tossed it onto the ground.

Xapper then crawled out the hole and brushed himself off. He then looked at Broadway and said, “Right, I did the hard part. Suck it up, butter up, and open her up.”

“I’d rather Defiant and Plasmee just melt her already—”

“I did not spend all day in the dirt for your amusement,” said Xapper. “Now open it up and let’s talk with her.”

Broadway rolled her eyes and pulled out her pocket knife. “Right, I’ll open it. But if she pisses me off, you have to eat her.”

“I thought Plasmee was going to melt her?” asked Xapper.

“You’re the one who wanted to pick her brain,” said Broadway. “So, if she pisses me off, you get to pick her brain all you want. Get it?”

“I don’t want her stupid brain in my gut,” muttered Xapper.

Broadway cut the ropes and popped the lid off. Xapper kept his distance and watched as Little Defiant stroked Plasmee’s back. Plasmee’s spit was nothing to underestimate. It could melt through steel.

“Oh, Pauline! What a surprise!” echoed a voice from the pot. “How is your boy-friend doing? How is dear Autumn?”

Broadway smiled sarcastically then sneered at Xapper. “Right, have at it! Eat this bitch up! I got my hot plate and some water. She’s in the pot already! You can have Wilma stew—”

“I’m not eating her until she answers our questions,” said Xapper.

“Is that Sergeant Xapper I hear?” asked Wilma with excitement. “Did you know that Pyre hated you? And you want to know why? It was because you kept stealing his precious liquor.”

“Hey! I asked permission before I took anything from his cabinet!” shouted Xapper.

“Nope! Pyre still saw it as theft because you robbed him with your kindness,” said Wilma. “Everyone always acts so kind, hoping to get something from others. But the only people who succeed in the world are those who can bend others to their will.”

“The hell is she on about?” asked Xapper to Broadway.

“She is one of those extreme anarchist freaks who think chaos is the true nature of things or some BS like that,” said Broadway.

Xapper noticed they were running out of daylight.

“We really have no time for this crap,” he said. He took a step forward but only one. He refused to get any closer and look Wilma in the eyes. He did raise his voice. “Why did you do it, Wilma?! Answer me! Why did you turn Redmoose into a zombie hellhole?!”

“Because it was already a hellhole,” said Wilma. “The perfect isolated shit show for me to begin my reign. And now I don’t have to be kind or manipulate the dumbasses. All I have to do is think and they obey my orders. An unlimited zombie army to march to my will. And I shall invade every corner of the world, crush all the governments and institutions, until only chaos reigns!”

“That is absolutely insane!” screamed Xapper. “What is with people thinking that causing chaos is going to change things?! And it will but chaos only makes things worse!”

“Worse? You think zombies are the worst I could have done?” asked Wilma. “With such awesome power at my fingertips, I could have done so much worse.”

“Look, Wilma,” said Broadway as her fists clenched. “All we want to know is—”

“I could have summoned so-much-worse,” said Wilma gleefully. “You want me to list off all the things that would have been worse than summoning a tiny piece of Zholl'xess?”

“Here we go again with the stupid names!” bellowed Xapper. “What the hell did you call it?! Joel-zess?!”

“Zholl’xess, you simpleton,” said Wilma. “And I know what you people want. You want me to tell you where I hid the piece?”

“That is why he dug you up,” said Broadway. “Truth be told, I voted to leave you in the dirt to rot.”

“Well, I’m not telling you,” giggled Wilma. “You can kiss my ass. Oh, wait, Autumn was eating it last I remember. Go kiss him on the mouth, Pauline. And taste my ass on his tongue. Ah!”

“That’s enough, you ignorant little bitch—!!” screamed Xapper as he approached the pot. “If you don’t tell us where you hid that piece of Joel-whatever, I’m gonna—”

Broadway then pushed Xapper away from the pot. She led Xapper far away from the pot to cool off. Xapper paced and Broadway leaned on a tree close by him.

They both looked at the pot with disgust and regret.

“Should have kept her buried,” grumbled Xapper.

“I told you, Sarge,” said Broadway as she crossed her arms. “But you're right, she has answers we need.” She then met eyes with Xapper. “And I hate to say this, but if anyone could get her to talk, it might be Valiant or Doctor Waxington.”

“What are you saying, Broadway?” asked Xapper as he stopped pacing. “Are you suggesting we take that crazy bitch to Arkham with us?”

“Look, Sarge, she’s a head in a pot and she can’t do any magic,” said Broadway. “She’s completely helpless and we can just keep the lid on her and—”

“That is an awful idea,” objected Xapper. “And I don’t like the idea of some rude and ignorant asshat interacting with my sensitive little girl.”

“Valiant deals with assholes all the time,” said Broadway. “It’s all a part of being an influencer.”

“Okay, we take that bitch down to Arkham and have Valiant get her to talk. Then what? We drive all the way back to Redmoose and find Joel-whatever’s piece, yeah? But it could be days before Valiant or that Waxington woman can get Wilma to talk. And add the days to travel back and forth and the more time we waste, Joel-whatever will make more zombies and—”

“Chill, Xapper, I get it. I don’t like this anymore then you do,” said Broadway. “In fact, I’m pretty sure Wilma will never talk, no matter what anyone does to her. But we are all out of options and—”

They both then heard Plasmee gag.

Xapper and Broadway turned as Little Defiant aimed Plasmee at the pot. They both ran over to Little Defiant to stop her. But they were too late. Plasmee filled the pot with her plasm.

“Defiant, stop!” shouted Broadway. “We need her!”

“She was mean to Plasmee,” said Little Defiant as she pouted. “She melts now.”

Wilma screamed in agony and as her voice bubbled away, the plasm ate the pot too. The pot soon split open, the gory goo escaped, and quickly soaked into the ground. Then Xapper and company watched as a tiny glow appeared in the middle of the gooey puddle.

The light was an electric blue. And it came from a tiny round object. The object had the texture of jelly and it was no bigger than a marble. Xapper felt a chill go up his spine as he watched the tiny thing twinkle.

“That freaking maniac,” said Broadway in awe. “She had that piece in her head this whole time. Well, that saves us a crap ton of trouble.”

“I guess we didn’t need her after all,” said Little Defiant, still pouting and giving Broadway the cold shoulder.

“Sorry I got mad, Defiant,” said Broadway as she patted Little Defiant on the head. “But thank you and Plasmee for melting her. You girls did a good job.” The little girl then smiled up at Broadway and all was forgiven.

Xapper stared at the glowing ball in the center of the puddle. “Right then. We found it. Now what do we do with it?”

“I got a suggestion, Xander,” said Xeak.

“Don’t you dare, Xeak—”

“You are feeling peckish, right Xander?”

“No, shut up, Xeak. Zombies are one thing but this—”

“Will be the sweetest thing you ever had, Xander. Just like candy. Now, pop it in your mouth!”

To Be Continued . . .