So, I told myself the night of 1/21 that “I’ll get up early and write and post this next update” and . . . I slept real good and woke up late for once. So, here is my update late. Which is ironic in a way, because last Wednesday when I had the post already ready to go and scheduled, well, I’ll talk more about that later.
So “The Last Job: File 3454” has an article out on BookTribe, link below:
This is an awesome and well done little review of Zach and I’s book. We could not be happier with that. However, there was a snafu with another article that lists our book with “Dystopian” novels. Now, while I am very honored to be on the same list with “World War Z” and “Children of Men”, our book has nothing to do with a dystopia. So Zach got in touch with the press people about the error and our book will be removed from the “dystopian” list and new material will be released.
That all being said, no new activity (i.e. visitors) is on my website yet. So, yeah, you win some and you lose some. I’m still just talking into a void but at the very least my history as a writer is being documented and recorded through this blog. Silverlinings and all. Ha.
Now, what have I been writing? Well, no new stories but I have been working on a little article about my recommended stories by HP Lovecraft. Well, I say little but the thing has become a behemoth that’s going on a rampage. It is so long that I’m going to have to break it up into many, many parts which will last all of February and most if not all of March. Even with only one part posted per week.
I’m hoping to finish the Lovecraft article today, I am one final story away and maybe with some determination, I can finally get the article broken down and schedule for the future. And then finally, finally move on to a new writing project.
I have come to the conclusion that while this article idea is fun, making one takes up way too much time for me to do this consistently and write a story at the same time. I have not written any chapters to a new writing project all of January and while I have been writing, it has not been the writing I want to do. So, yeah, this Lovecraft article will be the last article project until I feel like making another one.
So, I have nothing further for this week but . . . okay, I hinted to it earlier. It was too late to add this on to last week’s update because this literally happened to me Wednesday morning: I had an episode of sleep paralysis. I have had episodes of sleep paralysis before but this time around, I immediately wrote all that I experienced down while it was still fresh in my mind. And so, here is my little rant post waking up from Sleep Paralysis:
[— — — — — — Sleep Paralysis on 1 / 15 / 2025 — — — — — —]
Written on 1/15/2025 at 8:05am. Only a few minutes after waking up . . .
So something horrifying happened to me just now. I had another bout of sleep paralysis. I haven’t had one in a while and boy, I do not miss it. What was worse of all, it was coupled with a repeating series of dreams I could not wake up from. I’m going to try and type what I can while it’s all still fresh in my head. Here goes.
I woke up at 2:30am in the morning, again. This has been occurring for a while. And I don’t need to go to the bathroom or anything, I’m just super hot. So, I take a blanket off, get out of bed, have a drink of water and lay back down. I then toss and turn till almost 6am in the morning.
And then, next thing I know, I’m in a Walmart. At least I think I’m in a Walmart, the setting reminded me of one. And apparently I’m an employee. I work in retail for my day job, so this feels real enough. I’m hanging out with my coworkers, some are from my real world job and some I do not recognize.
A security guard walks by us and there is an announcement over the intercom. Something about a winner is mentioned over the speakers and the security guard also says something about a winner. But it's all very dull and unenthusiastic. Even so, apparently, this winner is so important that they have to shut the store down. So, myself and co workers begin to leave. I assume it's something to do with the lottery or something super important.
Then the speakers declare “The Buffalo Sabers won the—”
And the dream cuts out and I wake up in bed. I think this is all silly because I do not follow sports at all and laugh about it and get out of bed. But when I open the bedroom door, the hallway is different. The walls have been painted over and the carpet on the floor has been pulled up. The railing along the stairs is replaced with a giant pipe and as I look down the stairs, my whole home is under construction.
And I think to myself, “How could this all happen while I was still asleep?” I then wake up and I am a bit unnerved but shrug it off as another weird dream. I get out of bed and I notice the fan I use as background noise has been moved. I then notice all these liter bottles of Gatorade all over the floor. And they are all red, blue, and yellow Gatorade and I only ever get the orange.
I wonder how in the heck all of this Gatorade ended up in my room. I climb over all of this Gatorade and turn my fan off. I then wake up in my bed again and this time I know something is wrong. And as lucidity returns, my mind becomes more aware but my control over my body does not return. And this is when my mind really started to play tricks on me.
Dawn has come and the light coming from the window on the ceiling looks like a floating sheet over my head. I can’t remember what I was thinking in the fraction of a second I saw this “floating sheet”. But it was nothing good. I did finally notice it was just light from the window and my eyes shut again, without me wanting them to shut.
Another dream happens and I’m in the middle of a city, at night, in my underwear. I race into the nearest building and it's an elementary school. And I’m a little kid again. And there are after school programs going on and people in the rooms. And I try to stay in the shadows, terrified someone will find me.
And I think to myself: “This is because of all that silly anime I watched, right?” I saw a few anime before where the main character has some embarrassing thing happen to them at school and they are trying to get away. It's amazing that, even in my dreams, I’m trying to understand and rationalize what the heck is going on.
But dreams are dreams. You can’t explain them. You only experience them.
Thankfully, I was in that dark school in my underwear for only a few seconds and woke up. And this is when it gets nasty and horrific. I am awake and know I am awake. I know, somehow, that I am not dreaming. But my eyes struggle to stay open. My body refuses to move. I’m trapped in myself and I can’t stop the cycle of dreams.
I fight with my eyelids to stay open because I refuse to experience another weird dream. Then my eyes open wide and I get out of bed. But not a second passes by and I’m back in bed. Yes, I dream about getting out of bed for a split second, only to end up back in bed again. And this happens over and over and over again. I am terrified and so damn scared that I honestly think I’m not going to get out of this nightmare.
And worst of all, I am trying to call out for help the whole time but my voice cannot escape my mouth. My lips are shut tight and my voice is muffled. I reach up to my mouth and try to pry it open so my voice can escape. I am screaming for help and my cries are garbled and weak. I am in tears because I know my hands are trying to open my mouth . . . but I also know that my hands can’t move and are doing nothing.
Yeah, I know that makes no sense but that was what I was experiencing.
It was this weird limbo moment where reality blurred. It was like Schrodinger's cat. My voice was screaming and it wasn’t. My hands were opening my mouth and they weren’t. My eyelids were flickering to stay open and honestly, I’m not even sure if that was really happening.
There was even a moment where I slapped my cheeks and I felt the pain. Or more accurately, I imagined the pain. My cheeks were never struck, even though I was sure I did slap them. I swear I felt the pain. And this was not the first dream I had where pain was real.
I remember one dream I had when I was a kid. It was snowing and our family dog just caught a hawk or an eagle. My dog got a bird of prey and I saw it happen. My family saw it too and we were in shock. I pinched myself to make sure if I was dreaming or not. And I felt the pinch, I felt the pain. And I believed the dream to be real. And when I did finally wake up, that fresh horror stuck with me to this day.
That pinching trick does not work in my dreams.
Anyway, back to the sleep paralysis:
So eventually, somehow, my eyes open wide for real and I sit up in bed. I take a few deep breaths and look at the clock. It’s almost 8am in the morning and I move my hands all around me. In that moment, something is telling me that I have finally woken up. I can move again. I can keep my eyes open. No more weird dreams and the sleep paralysis had passed.
“No way am I going to lay back down after that,” I tell myself. I hop out of bed and need to use the bathroom. So, I answered the call of nature, relieved that I am finally, really awake. And now here I am, typing away while everything is still fresh in my mind. And I’m sure I missed a few dreams and details here and there. And honestly, I don’t want to remember any more weird stuff, if I did indeed have more dreams than what I had just told.
Normally when I fall asleep, I do not stay asleep for long and often find myself wide awake in the early hours in the morning. I lay in bed and think of story ideas. But sometimes I think of stressful things happening to me personally and to the world at large. I thought about a lot of stressful stuff before the sleep paralysis happened, so I assume that was the cause.
Then again, I’ve only had sleep paralysis two other times in my life. The first time I barely remember what happened. I want to say that I saw faces distorting and twisting in my window’s blind. The second time I distinctly remember seeing a shadowy figure sitting on my bookshelf, staring down at me with glowing red eyes. Fun fact, the second time I had sleep paralysis inspired a scene in “The Last Job: File 3454.”
More often than not, I just fall back asleep after first waking up and have a weird dream or two and eventually wake up completely a couple hours later. This was the first time I can recall where I had repeating dreams while also having sleep paralysis. I’m tempted to read about other people’s experiences with sleep paralysis because it is so damn fascinating.
Believe me when I say this, it is super freaking terrifying when you're in the moment. When your mind is fully aware something is wrong but you can’t move your body. And your mind is also fighting itself, creating falsehoods and weird dreams and you question what is real or fantasy. I’m super glad I was able to type this all out because it was all so fascinating but also so very freaky.
It’s after 9am now and I’m not sure what to do with all of this stuff I wrote. I know I’m sharing it on the blog but do I make it its own separate blog or add it to an update? I’ll think about it as I get breakfast and move around in reality for a bit. Seriously, I do hope I’m not dreaming right now. This is going to make for a fun little post.
And next time I wake up super early but also super aware and anxious, I’m just going to get up and type stuff. As fun as it was to make this dream-blog, sleep paralysis is no joke. I’m glad I have a whole day to calm myself down before the next time I go to bed. I still have some Lovecraft stories to listen to on audiobook, so that will help ease my nerves, right? 😜
Anyway, my stomach wants breakfast and I’d like to get the day going. I’ve actually forgotten most of what I wrote, I think my mind is fully awake and cognitive now. At least I hope I'm awake. Really would suck if I was still asleep. Maybe I should pinch myself to be sure . . . oh, wait. Yeeeah. 🫠
[— — — — — — — — — END — — — — — — — — —]
So, yeah, that happened and has not happened again since. And this was the first time I had sleep paralysis in a long while. I am fortunate that all three times I can recall having sleep paralysis that my chest has never felt tight. Nor have I ever seen real demons or anything truly horrifying. And if I do, I will certainly write it down ASAP and share it here.
Have you had sleep paralysis or a weird series of dreams? Share in the comment section!
Good Luck and hopefully, reading this is not a dream . . . awake—up!
— Buck
PS: When waking from sleep paralysis, you don’t scream, you’re just glad to be free.
Related Posts
